This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
