Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize