Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I could make wine with my vomit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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