Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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