AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
