I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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