I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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