Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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