This house was built for laser tag.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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