hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
