Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.