True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
time to smoke my breakfast
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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