I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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