oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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