there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
