Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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