Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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