I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
