He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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