office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
