There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
