I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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