A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize