when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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