Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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