he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
