Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize