the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize