I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
