My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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