At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
