I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
