When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
