thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
