are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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