the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
