and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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