shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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