for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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