I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
