It's Friday. Sex?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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