i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
