If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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