Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize