I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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