Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
