we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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