She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
