it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country