she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
