so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet