Do you still have your period?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
