I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
