She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
