There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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