just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
