Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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