It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
