Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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