Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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