I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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