she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
