I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
