Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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