She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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