The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
