Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to make a zoo with you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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