FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
