I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
